A Woman’s Way of Knowing: Self-Care Enchantments for June Part 1

“A Woman’s Way of Knowing: Intuition”

After having a wonderful month about mothers, grandmas and daughters, we are going back to an exploration of being a “shakti sage.”

From my perspective, being a sage includes: wisdom, intuition and gentleness, amoungst other qualities.

Intuition is an interesting one to ponder. Much has been written about “women’s intuition”, sometimes from the perspective of appreciation and depth, yet occasionally with a slightly minimizing and patronizing tone, discounting the richness and wisdom inherent in “women’s intuition.” One can sub-categorize this intuition as a “mother’s way of knowing”; “a nurse’s way of knowing”; “a healer’s way of knowing” etc.

Personally, I have experienced a little bit of trickiness when tapping into and planning to take action based on my intuition. This is also a “trickiness” that has been expressed by a number of my coaching clients. Since our egos/pain bodies/gremlins (one can use a variety of words to describe this type “energy field”) love attachment, continuity, the status quo, high drama, judgments etc; the trickiness becomes an interesting dialogue with ourselves to figure out if what we are “hearing” is our intuition or our ego. When faced with this dialogue, which can feel abit like a committee meeting with in us, the following phrase can be very helpful; “the body never lies”.

So, this week, tap into your intuition, your inner way of knowing. Be attentive to those other voices that may come in. Using your body as an indicator of intuition, where in your body does you intuition reside?

Intuition tends to be soft, gentle, neutral, flowing and centered in your body.

Ego/pain body/gremlin messages tend to feel strident, kind of whiny, negative and scattered.

Play around with this during the week, luscious shakti sages.

Self-care Enchantments:

1. Think of a time that you experienced very strong intuition about something, and acted on it.

2. Think of a time that your ego, or pain body or gremlin was loud and insistent. For more information on “pain body’s” read any of Eckhart Tolle’s work like “The Power of Now”, or “A New Earth”.

3. Consider how intuition and ego feel different for you and learn how to tell the difference.

Namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
shakti sage life & business coaching for women
inspiration * clarity * wisdom * enchantment
www.zoeyryan.com
604-323-3700
“Coaching for your heart & soul & the heart and soul of your business”

1 Comment »zoey on June 7th 2009 in General, coaching for women, health & wellness, holistic health, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Mothers, Grandmothers & Daughters

“Mothers, Grandmothers & Daughters”

The month of May contains some significant events, “Beltane” and “Mothers Day”, and so the theme for this month is celebrating and honouring the creative power of women and moms and daughters of all kinds. I intend to go deeper into the sage part of shakti sage and discuss sageness, wisdom, intuition and a women’s way of knowing within subsequent e-bulletins. Today though, I want to also write about being a “dog mom” and how animals can be a very significant part of our self-care and loving-kindness practice. Dogs practice amazing self-care!

We picked up a new addition to our family a few weeks ago, Teagan Olive (after Olive in “Little Miss Sunshine”) Luna (it was a full moon the day we picked her up) Ryan is now 13 weeks old and I think we miss-named her. She should have been named Teagan Marley Ryan! It is easy to forget how much work a new puppy is. I feel fortunate that there are five of us in the house to help care for her.

My heart is wide open and vulnerable this morning as we are also saying goodbye to Tasha Cubby Ryan, our 13 year old dog. Tasha has been very ill and as I write this, we are waiting for the vet’s office to open, as it seems that it is Tasha’s time to pass on. It strikes me as being very profound and full of awe that we as a family are participating in witnessing the beginning of a life and the ending of a life at a time that there are so many other family transitions. One daughter is leaving for New Zealand for a work exchange year, another daughter is courageously facing a big challenge, and then will join her sister in New Zealand. Our third daughter is almost finished high school and is excitedly looking forward to her future. It feels like a time of huge change and transition.

So, as a mom of both human daughters and dog daughters, I am treasuring this snapshot in time. This little piece of time today, when we are all still together. We have the chance to hug Tasha and tell her good bye. We can giggle together when Teagan (aka Marley) pulls the toilet paper all over the house. We can be excited together about travel adventures and journalism school and bungy jumping in New Zealand. We can have a group hug and tell our daughters how much we love them and what cool kids we think they are. We can remember 13 years of Tasha and her little habits and the way she followed “her mom” every where. We can talk about our moms, who have passed on and describe memories from our childhoods. We can cherish each other and think of animal moms and people moms and single moms, mothers of the earth, and double moms and the love that a mother and child share.

Being a mom has brought me the greatest joy of my life, has cracked me wide open, taught me patience and humility and has forced me to experience a much wider range of emotions. As moms, we nurture, we love, we care for, we are wise and strong and soft and gentle.

Let’s celebrate moms of all kinds and ponder the following questions.

1. Write and/or think about your mom, what did you learn, what are you still learning from her? How has she influenced you?
2. Write and/or think about your grandma…, what has your grandma left you as a family legacy?
3. Honour the mother in you, honour that caring, nurturing, loving, feminine part of you, that “Great Mother” that is a part of us all.

P.S.
Just got back from the vet’s where we all shared in saying goodbye to our darling Tasha. Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors for this week, as I am proofing my writing with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
founding hippy at hippy grandma

life & business coach for women

inspiration * clarity * wisdom * enchantment
www.zoeyryan.com
Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business!

604-323-3700


Keep the hippy love flowing with purchases from Hippy Grandma: an Eco-Boutique selling fair trade, earth friendly treasures.


No Comments »zoey on May 21st 2009 in General, coaching for women, death and dying, grandmas, health & wellness, holistic health, midlife changes, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Are You A Powerful Woman?

“Power With” and A Partnership Model

Are you powerful; are you a powerful woman? I think all of you are.

Perhaps the better question is “how are you a powerful woman”?

Many women I talk with as a coach, have almost an aversion to saying “I am a powerful woman”. We, the collective we has been conditioned to equate power with “having power over”, with autocratic, unilateral decision making, with paternalism and a “dominator model”. We, the collective we, have been conditioned to “be nice” not powerful.

As I said last week, when I talk about you being a woman of power, the kind of power I am talking about is “power with”, “power and connection with your internal wisdom”, “personal power”, “your personal place of power”, you know the place where you feel strong and happy and together and in alignment and in balance. This is your personal center, your personal still point, the place where you feel your vital force, your chi. This is the place where you have dominion over yourself and your life. This is part of your “shakti-ness”.

In relationships, it is “power with” or a “partnership model”. It’s you and your women friends planning a surprise party for another friend, it is two women coming together to form a business partnership either formal or informal. It’s using a child-centered model in the family. In “power with” relationships, you are drawing on the “collective power” of more than one person. Other words for “power with” are collaboration, co-creation and “win-win”.

Many women struggle with describing themselves as powerful, yet I see examples of powerful women all over the world. There is the mom who calmly and gently advocates for her child within the school system, there is the female entrepreneur who is so passionate about her business that she patiently and persistently moves forward toward her dreams. There is the female artist who is amazing in her creative work. These are all examples of powerful women!

An additional “power” thread in the brightly tapestry of your life, is the “divine feminine creative power” quality of the “shakti”. Shakti power or “power with” is not ego-based power, it is “divine feminine” power with a deep spiritual grounding in gaia and in the “heavens”.

So this week, lovely shakti sages, the self-care enchantments build on the idea of you being a powerful woman.

Finish the following sentences:

1. A powerful woman is….

2. A powerful woman is not….

3. Think about, describe, and write down how it feels to “stand in your personal power center”. Ask and answer “how am I a powerful woman”.

Namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan

life & business coach for women

inspiration * clarity * wisdom * enchantment
www.zoeyryan.com

604-323-3700

”Coaching for your heart & soul & the heart and soul of your business”


No Comments »zoey on April 27th 2009 in General, coaching for women, health & wellness, holistic health, midlife changes, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Re-Introducing Shakti Sage!

Re- Introducing Shakti Sage

“What we have not known is how to begin from our own centre, how to begin from our own experience, how to make ourselves as women the subjects of the act of knowing”

- Dorothy Smith (A Canadian Sociologist, known for her work with feminist theory and women’s studies)

This quote is a wonderful reminder that each of us women, has a center point, a still point, an internal place of equilibrium, of power and energy that can fuel us, feed us and inspire us. Inspire us, to get to know ourselves intimately and to get to know each other intimately. I say, this is our “shakti sage” place! I coined the term “shakti sage” and am excited to use this term to re-name my e-bulletin as it feels timely and in alignment with my values, principles and age as well as the current considerations on the planet.

“Shakti, from the Sanskrit meaning “divine feminine creative power and empowerment” (source Wikipedia)

“Sage”, a “wise woman, a woman of gravity and wisdom” (adapted from Wikipedia)

For a long while I have yearned for a formula for “how to be in the world” as a woman of our times. We are living longer, stronger and healthier. We are raising families, running businesses and collectively changing the world; well into our elder years. We are not the “blue rinse” older women of our mother’s generation.

Through my own reading and reflection, and in meeting and learning more about amazing women all over the planet, I started to consider the flex and flow between the states of power and wisdom as a “guiding principle” for “how to be” in our world today.

Many women I talk to as well as some of my coaching clients have difficulty with saying that they are powerful. Yet, when we discuss that this does not mean “power over” anyone of anything (which is the older “dominator” model), but “power with” and “power within” (which is the newer “partnership model”, it becomes a concept that is “easier to wear”. Combine this with wisdom, which comes naturally with age, with life experience, with softening and mellowing and sometimes also comes in an “old soul” in a young body and you have a “shakti sage”.

So here are my designed “shakti sage” qualities and I invite you to take these on, wear these, talk about them, use them in your life and business and embrace them. I have designed the self-care enchantments around these qualities this month. Foundational shakti sage qualities are power and wisdom, infused with the following secondary qualities: courage, fire, boldness in one’s uniqueness, balanced by unconditional love, integrity and gentleness.

I believe you are all shakti sages!

Self-care Enchantments for this week build on and duplicate some of our past exercises and are meant to help you find your experienced, felt “shakti sage” place.

1. Explore the concept of power and your place of power. Try to find this place inside your body and get acquainted with how it feels, the thoughts you think, the shift and change in your energy when you are in your place of power.
2. Explore your place of wisdom. How do you feel wise and when do you feel wise? Where do you feel your wisdom in your body? Write about all of this in your journal.
3. Think of a woman you know or have heard about who you think demonstrates and embodies the “shakti sage” qualities. How can you learn from her?

Namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan

life & business coach for women

inspiration * clarity * wisdom * enchantment
www.zoeyryan.com

604-323-3700


”Coaching for your heart & soul & the heart and soul of your business”


1 Comment »zoey on April 23rd 2009 in Events, General, coaching for women, health & wellness, holistic health, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for Jan 22, 2009

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for This Week

I always find it somewhat humbling when I get sick! Especially when I have been “doing all the right things”! What is wonderful about this process is that it reminds me of the “great mystery of life”. Even though I might like to feel that I am totally in control, a flu for example, reminds me that there are forces at work that are more in tune with what is right and best for me than I am.

Usually, when I get sick, I haven’t been listening to my “body messages”. This is what happened this week. One of our daughters came down with a nasty flu and of course I was taking care of her. I had made an agreement with myself to “get back into running” (my kids laugh at me as I always seem to be “getting back into” running, not actually running) and had started the Sun Fun Run program (I do it over 26 weeks, not 13). On Saturday I was feeling kind of tired and achy and if I had listened to my body and not my ego, I would have taken the day off exercise. I pushed ahead and did the run and then, what do you know, I got slammed with the same flu. I am not saying that my running, short as it was, caused the flu. What I am saying is that my wonderfully in-tune physical self knew what was best for me and tried to get me to hear the message with the “aches” and I didn’t listen.

Now, what is perfect about my illness is that it has given me lots of extra time to catch up on my reading, to totally stop and reflect on the important things and appreciate good health when I have it. Not to mention, I am experiencing a “natural detox”.

Your self care enchantments for this week are remembering to listen to your body’s messages!

Self-care enchantments this week:

1. Start your day with a “body scan”, gently cast your attention through your body, starting from the bottom up or the top down. Pay special attention to those areas that are tender, sore, tight or uncomfortable. Check in with that area of the body to see what is needed.
2. Use your body to check in about decisions and actions, ask yourself; what does my mind say, what does my heart say, what does my gut say. The more you use this process, the easier and more intuitive it becomes.
3. Nourish your body with something wonderful this week; luscious food, or a fragrant body lotion or a soft and cozy piece of clothing.

namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
“Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business”
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com
www.entrepreneurialsuperstars.com
604-323-3700

Support fair trade gift giving at Hippy Grandma: hippy love for generations - an online eco-boutique selling earth friendly treasures for your grandbabies, their mamas and you! www.hippygrandma.com

No Comments »zoey on January 26th 2009 in General, coaching for women, health & wellness, holistic health, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for Jan 15, 2009

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for This Week

I may be a week behind most of you, having just returned from vacation, however, my guess is that the New Year energy is still circulating.
We have an amazing opportunity at this time on the planet, to create, grow, change and transform our lives.

As we have over the past few years, my family and I spent a couple of weeks in a very interesting Mexican village over Christmas. I always find it tricky to re-integrate into life back home after being in Yelapa, as it feels like sensory overload here.

Yelapa is a small fishing village, a 45 minute water taxi ride south of Puerto Vallarta and is on the equivalent of our First Nations land. The community of Yelapa has had electricity for 8 years and recently built a pier for the incoming visitors. Life is simple in Yelapa. There are three grocery stores, 2 in the bottom of the owners homes. When shopping, there are 2-3 kinds of cereal, one brand of milk and amazing fresh fruit and vegetables! There is one store to buy clothes and a couple of small shops. One internet café with three dial up computers service the tourists in the village. More and more households have TVs and personal computers, however, it is not unusual on a walk up river, to see a group of people, sitting outside, watching one TV or simply chatting.

Conversations, family and relationships are very important in Yelapa. Children and elders are appreciated, loved and valued. Crime is almost non-existent and there is no police force in the village, although sometimes the Federales make an appearance.

Villagers are extremely healthy and only recently has there been a physician in the village. The village is set on a hillside, with no vehicle access, so the only forms of transportation are by foot, donkey, horse or more recently, ATV. All the walking and wholesome fresh food contributes to the health of the locals I am sure!

I return to the busy, crazy North American lives that we lead and wonder, are we all insane here? Why do we need 26 or more kinds of shampoo or yogurt? Why don’t we sit around with our families and friends and just talk more? Why do we jump in our cars for short trips to school or the store. Now, I admit, I get pulled in the cultural drift of complacency here too. I drive my car more than I need to and get watch too much TV on occasion. I too, get seduced by the “latest and greatest” beauty product or the newest techno toy. I become unconscious about my choices and less than mindful about my life. That’s why I keep going back.

I keep going back to Yelapa, it is good for my soul!

So, your self care enchantments for this week are all about what is good for your soul!

Self-care enchantments this week:

1. Consider the words “spirit” and “soul” and ask yourself if there is any difference between the two.
2. Identify 3 things that are good for your soul and plan to integrate these into your week.
3. Appreciate your relationships and do something wonderful and unexpected for a special person in your life!

namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
“Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business”
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com
www.entrepreneurialsuperstars.com
604-323-3700

Support fair trade gift giving at Hippy Grandma: hippy love for generations - an online eco-boutique selling earth friendly treasures for your grandbabies, their mamas and you! www.hippygrandma.com

No Comments »zoey on January 21st 2009 in General

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for Dec 4, 2008

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for This Week

With interesting synchronistic timing, just after sending out the last POW I received an email from a dear friend containing children’s messages to God.  I am including a sampling below as reminders to us all of the purity and simplicity of childlike sacredness:

~*~*~*~*

* Dear God,

I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.  Is this OK?

Neil

* Dear God,

In bible times, did they really talk that fancy?

Jennifer

* Dear God,

I think about you sometimes, even when I’m not praying.

Elliot

* Dear God,

I bet it is very hard to you to love all of everybody in the whole world.  There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it!

Nan

* Dear God,

Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter – cause there is nothing good in there now.

Ginny

~*~*~*~*

Your self care enchantments for this week are about simplicity & sacredness, holidays and festivals.

Self Care Enchantments for the week:

1.  In this upcoming season of religious and spiritual festivals, how can you bring sacred simplicity into your life?

2.  Do one thing this week that scares you!

3.  Consider making a donation to your charity of choice this week.

“The Angels were all singing out of tune, and hoarse with having little else to do, excepting to wind up the sun and moon or curb a runaway young star or two.”  -  Lord Byron

We would love to hear about your experience with these enchantments.  Please share about your learning and exploration with these enchantments on www.thepowblog.com in the comments section!

namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
“Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business”
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com
www.entrepreneurialsuperstars.com
604-323-3700

Support fair trade gift giving at Hippy Grandma: hippy love for generations - an online eco-boutique selling fair trade & earth friendly treasures for your grandbabies, their mamas and you! www.hippygrandma.com

No Comments »zoey on December 5th 2008 in General, Social Responsibility, coaching for women, grandmas, health & wellness, holistic health, midlife changes, spirituality, sustainability, women and self care, women's issues, women's life issues

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for Nov 21, 2008

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for This Week

Building on the theme of “sacredness”, I have been having many conversations this past week with coaching clients, friends and family members, including our three teen age and early twenty year old daughters, on this topic.  When I ask about what “sacredness” means to them, many start by talking about the religious background of their family of origin, including the rituals, festival days, sense of community, music and decorations.  Our daughters give a much different response that is as varied as the three of them are; more on this in coming weeks.

I was brought up in a pretty strict Protestant family and I remember envying my Catholic girlfriends, especially around Christmas time as I thought it was pretty cool to have incense, Midnight Mass and twinkling candles burning at church.

I love how words actually convey a sense of their meaning and the word “sacred” does this.  To me, it conveys expansiveness, spaciousness, spirituality, depth of being, meaning.

So, your self care enchantments for this week are about exploring further your childhood imprinting about spirituality, sacredness, holidays and festivals.

Self Care Enchantments for the week:

1.  As you were growing up, what did you learn about religion and spirituality?  What were the dominant family beliefs in this area?

2.  How can you and/or how do you bring depth and meaning to your life?  Write about this in your journal.

3.  Take a “self-care retreat” day, plan for special time off for yourself, to contemplate both your sacredness and your “material self”.  Remember, self-care is different than self-improvement!

“The true harvest of my life is intangible - a little star dust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched” - Henry David Thoreau

We would love to hear about your experience with these enchantments.  Please share about your learning and exploration with these enchantments on www.thepowblog.com in the comments section!

namaste,

Zoey

Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
“Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business”
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com
www.entrepreneurialsuperstars.com
604-323-3700

Support fair trade gift giving at Hippy Grandma: hippy love for generations - an online eco-boutique selling earth friendly treasures for your grandbabies, their mamas and you! www.hippygrandma.com

1 Comment »zoey on November 21st 2008 in General, health & wellness, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for Nov 13, 2008

Inrageous/Outrageous Self-Care Enchantments for This Week

What do you feel is “sacred” in your life?  I have slight keyboarding dyslexia so I often type the word “sacred” as “scared” and maybe this is actually a Freudian slip!  I talk with many women who have lost the “sense of the sacred”, equate sacredness with religion, who are scared of the power of their own spirituality and who mix spirituality up with religion.

In this season of build up to many sacred religious and secular holidays, it is a wonderful time to ponder and reflect on your spirituality.  First, here are some definitions from Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org ):

Religion: A religion is a set of tenets and practices, often centered upon specific supernatural and moral claims about reality, the cosmos, and human nature, and often codified as prayer, ritual, or religious law. Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience. The term “religion” refers to both the personal practices related to communal faith and to group rituals and communication stemming from shared conviction.

Spiritual: Spirituality, in a narrow sense, concerns itself with matters of the spirit, a concept closely tied to religious belief and faith, a transcendent reality, or one or more deities. Spiritual matters are thus those matters regarding humankind’s ultimate nature and purpose, not only as material biological organisms, but as beings with a unique relationship to that which is perceived to be beyond both time and the material world. Spirituality also implies the mind-body dichotomy, which indicates a separation between the body and soul.

As such, the spiritual is traditionally contrasted with the material, the temporal and the worldly. A perceived sense of connection forms a central defining characteristic of spirituality — connection to a metaphysical reality greater than oneself, which may include an emotional experience of religious awe and reverence, or such states as satori or nirvana. Equally importantly, spirituality relates to matters of sanity and of psychological health. Spirituality is the personal, subjective dimension of religion, particularly that which pertains to liberation or salvation.

So, while spirituality may be connected to religion for some, it can also be the subjective sense of “a power greater than oneself, a sense of expansiveness, connection and awe” that is experienced outside the realm of organized religion.

Your self-care enchantments for the next few weeks will be encompassing the themes and spirituality and sacredness.

Self Care Enchantments for the week:

1.  Read through the above definitions again and design your personal definition of spirituality.

2.  Ponder in which conditions or circumstances to you feel a “sense of sacredness”?

3.  Determine what will make this season especially special or sacred for you.

“The true harvest of my life is intangible - a little star dust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched” - Henry David Thoreau

We would love to hear about your experience with these enchantments.  Please share about your learning and exploration with these enchantments on www.thepowblog.com in the comments section!

namaste,

Zoey
Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
“Coaching for your heart & soul and the heart & soul of your business”
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com
www.entrepreneurialsuperstars.com
604-323-3700

Support fair trade gift giving at Hippy Grandma: hippy love for generations - an online eco-boutique selling earth friendly treasures for your grandbabies, their mamas and you! www.hippygrandma.com

No Comments »zoey on November 21st 2008 in General, health & wellness, spirituality, women and self care, women's issues

Women’s Life: Deepening Conversations! Do you think an addiction is a choice or a disease?

The other day I responded to an article in our local paper, The Vancouver Sun, entitled “Whatever happened to embarrassment?:Here’s to bringing back a little good, old-fashioned shame?” by Shelley Fralic.  I think there were likely some very valid points made in the article but I didn’t get further than the following question, asked by Ms. Fralic in response to observing a group of 12 steppers discussing their adventures in rehab while sipping beverages at a Starbucks “Why are these people not embarassed about being addicts?  Ill-mannered addicts, to boot.”

Now, I am not objective in this area as I am an “addict” myself, a happily recovering “alcoholic”, however, I was surprised by Ms. Fralic’s opinions as outlined in our very interesting subsequent email converstation which I share with you below, (with Ms. Fralic’s permission btw).  In further contemplation, I believe that had it been a group of drunk partiers talking about their substance use, I may have had a different reaction to the question.  I kind of feel that folks attempting to work through an addiction by attending any type of program deserve respect, compassion and kudos rather than  being shamed.  What do you think?  Please feel free to deepen this conversation with your comments below.

—–Original Message—–
From: Zoey Ryan [mailto:zoey@telus.net]
Sent: Tue 11/4/2008 9:41 AM
To: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun)
Subject: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!

Dear Shelley,

I found your article to be interesting and yet, I wonder if you aren’t
displaying a very misinformed and out dated view of “addictions” with your
question, “why are these people not embarrassed about being addicts”?

I am an addict, a recovering one and I am not ashamed or embarrassed; I have
the disease of alcoholism.  Would you ask this same question of a group of
people sitting around talking about their experience of being at “diabetes
camp”, are they not embarrassed about having diabetes?  I am also a mom,
married, working, healthy, happy and very open about my addiction to
alcohol!  I am open about it mainly to help break apart the pervasive
socio-cultural stigma, the stigma that having an addiction is “shameful”!

Now, I too have been quietly sitting in Starbucks, sipping my latte and
feeling somewhat annoyed with the loud conversation at the next table,
however, it is usually the decibel level I find annoying, rather than the
content.

Did you consider that the “shameful” conversation of the 12 steppers, as
raw and rough as it was, may in fact act as a
catalyst for even one other person in Starbucks to attend an AA meeting and
start on the journey of recovery?

Have you ever attended a 12 step meeting yourself, I wonder?

Actually, Shelley, it is shame on you!

Respectfully,

Zoey Ryan

Ms. Ryan:
Thanks for your note.
I am well aquainted, as are most people these days, with addiction in all
its forms.
Good for you for dealing with your problem. But alcoholism and drug
addiction are, in my opinion, too readily called diseases when they are, in
reality, the sad consequences of conscious choice.
Someone who chooses to smoke crack, or drink too much vodka, is hardly on
equitable footing with a child facing leukemia or a woman with incurable
breast cancer.
A person chooses to be an addict and, hard as it is, that addiction can be
cured simply by stopping. Not so that child, or that woman. That’s the
difference for me.
As for the shame, there was a time when people who acted out, criminally or
immorally or by drinking too much, were stung by social embarrassment and,
while you don’t have to agree with me, I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.
Again, thanks for your feedback and all the best in your recovery.

Shelley Fralic
Vancouver Sun Columnist
Office: 604-605-2170
Cell: 604-833-0846
sfralic@vancouversun.com

—–Original Message—–
From: Zoey Ryan [mailto:zoey@telus.net]
Sent: Tue 11/4/2008 12:04 PM
To: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun)
Subject: RE: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!

Shelley,

Hmmm, that is a very interesting response, thank you for your well wishes
for my recovery, which is now 15 years underway.

I would say, that what is sadly missing in our society is not shame but
compassion!

Can you please advise me on how I can and can not use this correspondence?
May I post our email conversation on my blog?  It is a wonderful gateway
into a deeper and more meaningful discussion about addictions.

Respectfully,

Zoey

From: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun) [mailto:SFralic@vancouversun.com]
Sent: Tuesday, November 04, 2008 11:10 AM
To: Zoey Ryan
Subject: RE: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!

Zoey:
I always write emails with the notion that they might show up somewhere in cyberspace, so please feel free to post.
And please don’t misinterpret my previous response as an indication of lack of compassion for those struggling with addictions. I know how hard it is to beat alcoholism or drug addiction, but sometimes I think modern-day compassion is sorely misplaced, especially in the context of a social culture that too often encourages addicts to think their “disease” is not their fault, or that it’s out of their control, and that they are therefore excused for their actions.
We live in a time of making excuses, instead of making it right.
All the best.

Shelley Fralic
Vancouver Sun Columnist
Office: 604-605-2170
Cell: 604-833-0846
sfralic@vancouversun.com
I would love to hear your thoughts and opinion!  Is an addiction a choice or a disease?

namaste,

Zoey

www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com

2 Comments »zoey on November 6th 2008 in General, health & wellness, holistic health, women's issues

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